Comments on: Relationships with emotionally immature people

By: heart spirit mind

heart spirit mind — Thu, 26 May 2016 00:39:19 +0000

I feel like the poster did take responsibility. It takes a lot of courage to admit you made mistakes. It takes a lot of courage to apologize for those mistakes, to go to therapy and try to fix yourself. I applaud her for trying.

By: Mango

Mango — Wed, 25 May 2016 21:08:32 +0000

Yes, everyone deserves to be loved, but when you are unloving and selfish and manipulative towards others then why should you expect them to love you back? You need to take responsibility for your behaviour is a serious way, because after all you are a grown woman!

By: SAMYUKTHA

SAMYUKTHA — Tue, 24 May 2016 18:02:19 +0000

Thank you so much for this article.I am a victim of this emotional immaturity.I am poor in dealing to come out of it cos I knew wat it exactly was.Troubled all my frnds,family & partner.Need to start working on it.Got confidence that I can deal with it after reading ur article.

By: Bev Schipper

Bev Schipper — Tue, 24 May 2016 00:53:20 +0000

When I read this article it should have my daughter’s name as the heading.
I have been blaming myself for so many years, and as I read it, a light went on
In my head. I showed it to my two sons and they were gob smacked. We now know
What the problem is. Unfortunately, we have lost our grandchildren as she has completely brain-washed them. She will never admit her problem, so we very reluctantly have to distance ourselves. Is there anything we can do to at least have some sort of a relationship.

By: Julianna Adamkiewicz

Julianna Adamkiewicz — Fri, 20 May 2016 00:25:58 +0000

It sounds a bit like me- your child I mean- well, back in the day! I have matured ever so much now, thanks to my Asperger’s Therapist, who saw it as a necessary step for my parents to go on frequent holidays, in order that I learn to cope in the real world! I think this has helped- today they went to Cornwall and I found myself being more open with people since they left this morning! Literally!

I even spoke to some men who turned up at the Homeless Concern place, where in the past I would never have spoken to someone I did not really know! I realised I am able to cope with conversation and maturity! Asking appropriate questions and that kind of thing!
However, it has been a roller coaster of a ride- luckily I have befriended a lady who in some ways has more problems than me and for once I have had to help someone else out- I even bathed her in my house! She was incredibly emotional at the time and going through difficult times with her neighbours! I found myself counselling her, where before I would never have even deemed it possible…..I think my parents liked me acting the baby, perhaps because of their own immaturity (especially my dad). However, my philosophy is that if we change a little , those around us will have an incentive to do so also!

The moodiness you describe- I know too well…..The Asperger’s diagnosis showed me that I have difficulty developing relationships because the empathising brain is at a loss with the analytical strengths of Asperger’s!

By: KB

KB — Mon, 16 May 2016 01:27:37 +0000

These statements is so powerful! I agree whole heartedly. What a blessing to have this type of understanding, and yes we can only work on ourselves. Harboring unforgiveness is detrimental to ones health, it’s so powerful when we can admit and identify our own faults, and have a desire to work on them in a positive way. I am learning more now about myself, now that I am older (over 50 years) then I did in my younger years. Thanks to God, and it’s better late than never. I learned it’s also important to love yourself and to not be so hard on yourself when you make mistakes, but to keep an open positive mind. By staying positive it can help others around you, and hopefully it can help any emotional immature person or people we have encountered in our lives. I have dealt with emotional immuture individuals, and all the comments and this article has really helped me now to appreciate and think how to make sue that I am not portraying any emotional immuture behaviors, that goes back to what you stated to work on one’s self. I sometimes get so overwhelmed, I found out the best way to handle confusion sometimes is to don’t say anything, so you won’t say the wrong things, by this I am so thankful.

By: Willa

Willa — Tue, 03 May 2016 13:01:07 +0000

I’m so appreciative of this article. My mum who had me when she was 41 – she’s now 60 – has been a very destructive influence on my life and its only recently that I’ve realized she has very very poor emotional intelligence! I suppose part of me always thought that people were mature after a certain age, like 25 or so, but I now know that’s not the case. Also very disruptive as the only stable parental figure in my life has been her. At least a positive I’ve had from this experience has been to pick up on this sort of behaviour early on and deal with it quickly and also to understand when it cannot be dealt with. My mother is old now and too set in her ways. I doubt she’ll ever change – but at least I can.

By: There's 2 Sides

There's 2 Sides — Tue, 03 May 2016 11:11:33 +0000

This article has confirmed for me that I am emotionally immature. I am a woman in my 40s and have had difficulty with relationships right from the beginning.
While its possible that my family loved me, there was no evidence of this being fact. My parents were ‘victorian’ style, meaning all emphasis was on being clean, fed and heavily disciplined. There was never any warmth or any sense of sincere feeling.
I spent my life running. Running from my family, from the coldness, from the unrelenting void of lovelessness. I ran towards people who seemed to have answers, then ran again when they told me the reason why our friendship/relationship is failing is because I’m f**ked up emotionally. Yes, I know…but thanks again for reminding me that I don’t deserve to be loved for new reasons.
Of course, a trail of hurt friends and lovers is not what I want. Years later i still hear people complain about my emotional immaturity and how i hurt them. This just makes me run faster and lose even more control.
So, Im sorry if someone like me has hurt you, but if it’s any consolation, you have the chance to move on. 40 plus years and many therapy sessions later, I only get to hear over and over that Im flawed.

By: donna

donna — Fri, 29 Apr 2016 02:04:31 +0000

Did u ever leave? I feel your pain. The sensitive sweet side of my bf is all I can think about when I debate leaving him. How I don’t want to hurt him cuz he loves me so much. The good side is so sweet and I am stupid by telling myself “this time it will work, he finally has insight into his behavior and it will be different” but it’s not.

By: donna

donna — Fri, 29 Apr 2016 01:56:40 +0000

I read many of these and I am dumbfounded as to how so many mirror my relationship. I am 33 years old and my bf is 27. At 1st I thought it was an age issue that he’d grow out of. We have been together 2 years and it just keeps getting worse. We are “trying to work on things” once again but I feel like it’s look pointless. The biggest thing I have a problem with is that like many of you know, and have said yourself, they twist things around / create something awful out of something innocent and blame you for their anger… we’ve discussed this a few times now and I try to explain to him “but I didn’t mean it that way” or “stop being so hard on yourself, that’s not true” but he won’t believe me. He “knows what I meant, there’s no need to lie, just admit you’re wrong and I’ll quit yelling” or he’ll say once things are calm and I try to discuss the tantrum like “I can’t believe how self centered u are, you do not take blame for even the smallest things, i wouldn’t be so angry if u just admitted what u did.” I’ve even had to say back a couple times “sorry but I will not apologize for something that only happened in your head.” I really thought for long time that I was a condescending gf that couldn’t see my faults like he said I was. He was so adamant. ( i have also never been accused of the things he accuses me of like being cold, stuck up, manipulative or cruel by anyone. I have even talked to exes and asked their opinions and they all thought I was joking.) HaS anyone gone through similar to give me advice? Part of me wonders if I’m being gaslight ed and the other part feels like it could be true and I’m so self centered I cannot realize it. Do I just say “yes, I purposely made a loud noise setting the grocery bags down in order to passive aggressively wake u from a nap I didn’t know u were taking!” Just to avoid a tantrum? And yes, he doesn’t correct me when I call them tantrums. An adult boy throwing a tantruM.