boundaries &#8211; Heart, Spirit, Mind

Continue reading: Lies we tell ourselves about our relationships

The post Getting the love you want appeared first on Heart, Spirit, Mind.

Lies we tell ourselves about our relationships

hsm — Wed, 30 Oct 2013 14:51:43 +0000

I have spent most of my adult life where you are. I understand the confusion, the heartbreak and the daily chaos you live with. I have told myself the same things that you tell yourself. I have rationalized and justified the insanity of an relationship that wasn’t emotionally safe for me.

I have also overcome those obstacles. It wasn’t easy. It took extreme circumstances to get myself out of that dysfunctional mindset. I still look to renew my own strength everyday and am ever determined to break the cycle that has plagued me my entire adult life.

The first step is to stop lying to ourselves.

1) This is normal

You tell yourself that your relationship is typical of most relationships. All relationships have their ups and downs right? You ignore the fact that you are constantly hurting. You ignore that you are constantly strategizing ways to get your partner to understand your point of view. You prove over and over that you are worthy of their love. You excuse misunderstandings saying that your partner is going through a rough patch, and it will improve.

It is illogical for you partner to verbally abuse you, their greatest ally and advocate. Blame, shame, confusion, diminishment, sarcasm and manipulations are not normal and regular responses for having a bad day and have no place in a healthy, loving relationship

How to be a reliable person

Continue reading: Boundaries and people pleasing

The post Lies we tell ourselves about our relationships appeared first on Heart, Spirit, Mind.

Boundaries and people pleasing

hsm — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 10:00:50 +0000

Getting the love you want

Continue reading: Who’s rainbow are you chasing?

The post Boundaries and people pleasing appeared first on Heart, Spirit, Mind.

Who’s rainbow are you chasing?

hsm — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 00:26:41 +0000

“A successful life is one that is lived through understanding and pursuing one’s own path, not chasing after the dreams of others.”
~Chin-Ning Chu

You have heard of the mid-life crisis, or people taking time to “find themselves”. What is being described is when an individual is unsure of their own purpose in life.

If you are unsure of your purpose in life, chances are it is because another person is in control of your life directly or indirectly. People become doctors because their parents are doctors and it is expected of them, or they marry a certain kind of person. There are many reasons people end up in these situations.

How to be a reliable person

The post Who’s rainbow are you chasing? appeared first on Heart, Spirit, Mind.

When apologies are only words

hsm — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 17:51:44 +0000

All relationships have their ups and downs. The best way to handle problems is to communicate with your partner. However, sometimes it isn’t easy to express yourself, especially when you try to bring up a problem and your partner:

Gives you the silent treatment
They bulldoze you
They minimize your feelings

If you are in a relationship with someone who stonewalls your attempts to discuss issues, then it can lead to major problems in a relationship. It can be very difficult to solve problems when your partner does not want to be aware of the issues, does not want to be accountable or responsible toward you or about themselves. Sometimes, they have the uncanny ability to disconnect themselves from their actions and act as if nothing happened at all.

People with dysfunctional communication styles often believe can ignore their problems, or, if they chose to not acknowledge them all, pretend they don’t exist. This is a form of placebo feeling like they are erasing the past

Continue reading: When apologies are only words

Codependency